As a neurodivergent person, I struggle a lot with building habits. It’s hard for me to do the tasks that I want to become habits. It’s hard for me to continue to do those tasks consistently for any length of time. And most of all, they never become automatic. Perhaps a neurotypical wouldn’t consider the end result a “habit,” but you can’t get far as a neurodivergent person by trying to adhere to neurotypical standards.
So, what do my habits look like?
Well, one thing I consider to be a habit has to do with my walks. As an autistic I like my walks to be predictable, so I never take new routes. Instead, I have one set path I follow which I’ve set a sort of checkpoint system along. As I reach each checkpoint, I’ve made it a habit to check-in with my energy levels. Are my legs getting tired? Am I feeling drained? Do I need to rest or turn back? These check-ins help me to avoid pushing myself too hard, so I’m less likely to assign a negative connotation to walks in the future. It also helps me to save mental energy between checkpoints; I don’t have to be constantly trying to remember to check-in so I can just let my mind wander and enjoy my walk.
These checkpoints don’t automatically register in my mind though. The reason I’ve set them where they are is because there’s an external factor at each checkpoint that pulls me out of my daydreams: a Pokéstop! For those of you who haven’t played Pokémon Go, a Pokéstop is a place, usually at some sort of landmark like a statue or park, where you can collect free items every five minutes. I have to consciously pull out my phone and spin the Pokéstops, and that’s what reminds me to check-in.
Another habit I’ve made in the past was actually thanks to advice from my ADHD coach. She said that I could try linking tasks together in my head, so that doing one thing is the cue to do the next thing. It didn’t work for the first few tasks I tried it with, but eventually I managed to link brushing my teeth to exercising. When I went to the sink to fill up my water bottle, I would brush my teeth while I was there. Then I’d go do my exercise. Unfortunately, I didn’t keep up with my exercise for various reasons so I haven’t been doing that habit anymore. But the strategy of linking two tasks together is definitely something I want to try again in the future!
Now, there’s an important note I want to make about habits. Neurotypicals praise them as life-altering solutions to all problems, but for a lot of disabled people it just isn’t possible to consistently do something. If you’re on an energy budget, brushing your teeth one day may mean that you can’t take a shower until the next day at the earliest. Personally, trying to make myself do a specific task every day is almost always going to burn me out within a month.
So what do you do if you can’t build many habits? You do what you can when you can.
That might look like having groceries delivered instead of taking the trip to the store when you’re out of energy. It might also look like deep-cleaning your room at 3 o’clock in the morning because the urge struck you.
It may look like laziness or a lack of discipline to neurotypicals, but it isn’t worth it to sacrifice your health and disregard your boundaries just to please other people. If they really respect you, they will respect your limits. It simply isn’t sustainable to force yourself to do things the way that society thinks people should do them. It’s difficult for abled people to maintain the socially expected way of living, but it’s impossible for disabled people.
Build habits if that works for you. If it doesn’t work for you, don’t force yourself to try at the cost of your health. There are other strategies, like making (flexible) schedules, seeking help from others, and adapting your environment to make things easier for you. Habits may work for a lot of people, but you aren’t broken or wrong if they don’t work for you. By letting go of the idea that you must build habits, you can start looking for the best way for you to live.
Astro Autistic 